From Death to Healing

From Death to Healing

From Death to Healing

The following two articles were written by a mother whose son had committed suicide.

The first was written over thirty years ago, shortly after her son took his life.

She wrote the first on the advice of her counselor at the time, to help her heal from this horrific event in her and her husband’s life.

The second she wrote just a short time ago.

It was interesting to see how her perspective did or did not change over the last thirty years.


 

Guest Blog By Carole France

 

“My dearest John,

I miss you.

I long to hear your voice and to share days, hours or even minutes with you.

The love I have for you is still in my heart and I am unable to express it to any other human being.

It is yours alone.

When you were born your dad was so happy that he had a son.

He announced that he had a fishing buddy.

You would carry on his name.

I will always treasure the night that you and I spent together when you were a tiny baby.

You brought me joy your entire life from just being you.

You were intelligent, handsome, fun, funny, interested in learning, deep, complicated, challenging, caring, cautions, sometimes fearful, yet you were also brave and independent.

Little did I know how unprepared I was to raise you children and I know I made mistakes that hurt you.

I know the anger and frustration I saw in you as a teenager was really the disappointment you felt over not having the close family you desired.

All that anger in you worried me.

What you needed was our love, support, time, understanding, patience, and guidance.

You needed us to tell you that God knows and loves you beyond any happening ever in life.

He made you, understands you, and is committed to you – regardless of your struggles.

Instead, though, your dad and I lectured to try and get you to do what we wanted you to do.

I want you to know how sorry I am that you missed out on the love and nurturing that you deserved.

My heart will ache always for what I was not able to give you.

You were dealing with painful emotions and circumstances beyond what a teen should have to face.

They obviously consumed you and you felt powerless to fix it.

I wish I could have explained to you that life is like a book… each chapter is different from the other.

When your young and troubled it may seem like the chapter you are experiencing is the only one and that nothing will ever change.

The truth is that 1,3,5 years down the road our relationships, circumstance, and events are all different.

Of course, we always have stress in our lives, but you would have had more life experiences, more answers of your own from which to draw, and more people in your life to help support you when you asked.

John, when you made the choice to end your own life, I blamed myself, but I will not accept that responsibility anymore.

Even though I will forever feel badly about what you did, it was you who made the choice to kill yourself.

There are so many other choices you could have made, and I know we could have gotten through it together.

But I understand that on that day it was just too much.

You took yourself away from everyone who loves you.

Your decision brought deep and lasting pain to many, many people.

If you were here today all our lives would be more complete.

We would still have problems to deal with, but we would face them together.

I can’t help but wonder who you would have grown up to be, who you would have married and what the voices of your children would have sounded like calling me “Grandma”.

I will always wish that you would have talked to me and asked for my opinion on your leaving.

I would have begged and pleaded with you to stay!

You matter!

I truly and fully love and miss you and I want you to be here,

Mom”

A portrait of John from his high school yearbook.

Thirty Years Later

“A few weeks ago, I was asked to write a follow-up some thirty years later to my message expressed to my son John shortly after his death.

Since we as a family talk about John often I wasn’t prepared for the return of painful emotions this would bring.

My thoughts and feelings held the same raw loss and loneliness experienced those first hours, days, months and years so long ago.

The difference this time was that I knew what to do.

After years of crying out to my Savior, Jesus, I realized He had taught me to go to His word for honesty, truth, comfort, and the healing He has offered me over these years.

Has it been easy?

NO!!!

But it has been REAL!

It has been the most helpful help offered in navigating the intense grief and emptiness in losing one’s precious child in such a horrific way.

I’ve learned that God really is Who He says He is and that He makes good on all His promises made in His Bible.”

 

From Death to Healing

 


 

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My War With Covid-19

My War With Covid-19

My War With Covid-19 

January 15th of 2021 was the beginning of a very difficult experience with Covid-19. 

It started with what I thought were some allergies, and I begin taking Zyrtec-D. 

On Saturday the 16th, I developed a dry cough but didn’t think anything of it as I did not have a temperature. 

I hiked and biked on that Saturday and went out with friends to eat. 

By Monday morning, I went out to eat with a good friend at a breakfast place and had delicious blue corn pancakes with Bananas Foster. 

By that afternoon, I was tired and then exhausted, and by that night, I had a fever and chills all night long.

At that point, I realized I either had Covid-19 or the flu. On Tuesday, it felt as if my brain were literally on fire. I had a helmet headache and was unable to do anything but lie still. I was taking Aleve, but it did not help much.

Most All Of the Symptoms Developed Tuesday Night

Extreme aches and pains, my bronchial tubes feeling like they were on fire, breaking out in a rash similar to shingles, but normal temperature and blood pressure. 

On Wednesday, I was tested for covid-19, and it confirmed I was positive. 

Each day for eight days, I got progressively worse as the virus was multiplying in my body, but my immune system had yet to produce enough antibodies to fight the infection. 

On Thursday of that week, my spinal cord begins to burn, and I felt as if World War 3 was going on in my body. 

One of my cousins, a doctor, suggested I have the antibody infusion as soon as possible. A doctor at the hospital helps me set up the paperwork; however, due to different slip-ups, it took me five days to get the infusion finally.

On the day of the infusion, I finally developed a fever that stayed around 102 for seven days. 

For the first 14 days, I was more comfortable sitting up at night. During the whole experience, I talked to five doctors and saw seven nurses. 

I was not admitted to the hospital because my vital signs were still normal, and my blood oxygen when awake was around 92.

Today is the end of week 4 of having covid-19.

I am progressing and healing very slowly but was able to attend a men’s meeting at church that night. 

As I went through this experience, I thought of the scripture, “yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for thou art with me.” 

I had nothing to do but lay still and trust God, and I could most definitely tell that he was with me in the suffering.

I had numerous people reach out to me with prayers and supplies of chicken soup. 

I lost my sense of smell and taste, but both are coming back slowly, and my hair was falling out, so I got a very close-cropped haircut the other day.   

I continue to struggle with a covid-19 rash. 

Five days ago, I got a new rash on my chest, but the rash on my back and neck, and sides has healed. 

They assume that I’ve had for 35 years that my covid-19 case with more severe because of lupus. 

I am insulin resistant and considered overweight even though I am very active.

I was disappointed that none of the doctors suggested any medicines and said that I would have to be in the ICU to get any medication.

 Last night was what I wouldn’t consider a regular night of sleep for the first time in four weeks. I also tested negative for the active virus, for which I am grateful. 

I observed a lack of standardization or consistency with treating someone with Covid-19.

I feel very blessed to be able to write this today.

Each day I feel as if I’m getting 2% better. I can’t say that the vitamin C, D, and zinc helped me that much, but I believe that the antibiotic later in my sickness helped. 

I was drinking 2 gallons of water a day with electrolytes. 

Feel free to contact me if you would like to discuss covid-19 and possible long-term side effects and treatments. 

I am researching this very nasty virus, and I am grateful for all of the prayers and love I received.

 

What the government says about the test for past infection at the CDC

 

My War with Covid-19


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Christian Thirty Points of Prayer

Christian Thirty Points of Prayer

Christian Thirty Points of Prayer

A list from my heart of things I believe from the Bible that are undisputed concerning God’s will for you and me.

 

I use these in the morning as points to pray for you and me. I am absolutely convinced they are a part of God’s will for us.

 

  1. Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved. Salvation – soften their hearts, give them light, open their eyes to see You Jesus.

 

  1. For Your will to be done in them.

 

  1. That they would love You with all their hearts, soul, mind and strength.

 

  1. To love their neighbors as themselves.

 

  1. Keep the Biblical moral commands and have supernatural grace to do that. 

 

  1. Come to the knowledge of truth and see everything from Your perspective. 

 

  1. To bring glory, honor to God and reflect His life to the world.

 

  1. To be filled with and controlled by God’s Holy Spirit. 

 

  1. To learn and be self-controlled.

 

  1. To listen to and obey the promptings of the Lord.

 

  1. To spend quality time with God and recharge in His Word. To absolutely see this as a matter of life and death. 

 

  1. To take God up on His gift of prayer and actually be a prayer warrior. 

 

  1. To have a soft heart to share Jesus with others motivated by His love. 

 

  1. To be sanctified and become more like Jesus Christ. 

 

  1. Be in a fruitful holy covenant marriage relationship.
Christian Thirty Points of Prayer
  1. To be a responsible steward over all God has given you and honor Him.

 

  1. To always be thankful and grateful. 

 

  1. To choose by an act of your will to seek, ask, knock  in your  pursuit of God.

 

  1. To have strong Christian friends and be involved in a fellowship and serve and disciple others the Lord brings.

 

  1. To overcome the world, the flesh and the devil through Christ’s risen power. To be an overcomer at the end.

 

  1. To keep a short account with the Lord regarding your sins.

 

  1. To risk loving deeply, even if imperfectly. To have a circumcised heart.

 

  1. To take care of your body as it is a temple of the Lord.

 

  1. To have no others gods before you especially the little idols of the world. 

 

  1. To live righteously by faith, not in unbelief. 

 

  1. To understand spiritual warfare and use the authority Christ has given us to win the battle for ourselves and others.

 

  1. To bear much fruit for the glory of Christ.

 

  1. To bear up under sufferings, trials and temptations.

 

  1. In order to beat addictions and literally rewire your brain with the help of the Holy Spirit.

 

  1. To know God and enjoy Him forever.

 

Christian Thirty Points of Prayer

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Prayer for Family and Friends

Prayer for Family and Friends

Prayer for Family and Friends

This could be a daily or weekly or even a monthly prayer for family or friends or just someone you have met. Put their name on the blank as you read the prayer. You can also download a PDF of the prayer here. 

Have ________ learn to lean on you with absolute confidence in Your power, wisdom and goodness and be filled with unselfish love. 

May ________ be motivated by the hope that awaits him in heaven.

May _________ love be well grounded and nurtured in the Holy Spirit.

Have ________ be filled with the knowledge of Your will in all spiritual wisdom with insight into Your purposes.

May ________ have a greater and deeper understanding of spiritual things.

May ________ walk in a manner worthy of the Lord displaying admirable character, moral courage and personal integrity.

Have ________ please You Lord Jesus in all things.

May ________ bear fruit in every good work and steadily grow in the knowledge of You with deeper faith, clearer insight and fervent love for Your precepts , your warnings, your instructions, your way of thinking, your commandments, your doctrines, your bidding, your decrees, your formulas, your guidelines, your mandates, and your principles.

Amen

 

Prayer for Family and Friends

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Christian Prayer for A Friend

Christian Prayer for A Friend

Christian Prayer for A Friend

Wherever you see the line________ put the person’s name you are praying for.

 

Our Father (of ________), who art in heaven (You see every aspect of ________ and his life and You designed him) hallowed be Your name. (You are all powerful)

Thy kingdom come in _________ life, thy best, highest will be done with friend and his family, in the same way Your will is always done in heaven.

Give ________ this day his physical and spiritual bread (Jesus is the bread of life) and forgive ________ of his sins (rebellion, apathy, passivity and a lack of love and passion for You) and may ________ have the grace to forgive others and not hold resentment or grudges of any kind.

And always, a big one Lord, lead ________ not into temptation but deliver him from evil (of all sorts).

For Thine is the kingdom, and the power to save ________, and the eternal glory ________ will behold and enjoy forever.

Amen

If you would like to download a PDF of the “Christian Prayer for A Friend” click the button below. 

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Two Measures Foolish are a Christian Apologetics group of writers that write from a Christian Perspective and Christian World View using the Bible as our core.

We all travel on an individual journey on this planet earth that God has put into motion from the day we were formed in our mothers’ body. We all have deep questions that need to be answered. Why are we here? Is this all there is?

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